What Toronto Media Sounds like to the Rest of Canada

This is Darcy Tucker.


















The Leafs have just been given a penalty for being random (my daughter's favorite word) and Darcy is taking on a leadership role in the photo shown here.

Tucker is hurt, it's been announced on all earthly media tonight. The Sportsnet headline says LEAFS DEALT MAJOR BLOW and says "he is out of the Toronto Maple Leafs' lineup indefinitely with ligament damage in his right knee." Turns out there is some minor damage and surgery is not deemed at this point to be required.

As a public service, I would like to inform the people of Toronto and surrounding area that this makes the people in their community look idiotic. When we see this:

Leafs dealt major blow
"There is slight damage to some ligaments," he said after emerging from the team's practice rink dressing room following treatment on the knee by training staff. "We don't know how extensive it is or how long is will take time-wise."As of now, it's indefinite. Hopefully, I'll get a brace made and we'll see how it progresses from there."Surgery is not expected to be required, he said.

The rest of Canada reads it like this:

FUCK!
Well all is lost now. Darcy Tucker is pretty much fucking dead because some guy on Chicago doesn't know how to play. He's out forever and now Mats Sundin won't win the Stanley Cup. God hates us and this is completely unfair.

or:

THE END IS NEAR
News came this evening of the tragic loss of Darcy Tucker to the heretofore healthy Maple Leafs of the Torontos. Sadness marked every street corner and the clocks failed to ring out the passing of hours. Several NHL games continued in other towns, apparently unaware that the outcome of all games no longer matter. Mats Sundin shall not win the Stanley, and a nation weeps.